A few more days…time passes

I have been crying for what seems like weeks now.  My ex – he shows up often to check on me, I don’t know why?  I don’t feel any different then I did the day before I was informed physically, but every other way I feel totally different.  My ex shares that he has been to Mayo several times, that he gets his blood drawn and it gets sent up there for reading, he doesn’t have to go often. It is six hours to Mayo.  I am thinking how dumb I have to be to not notice him traveling like that for two years.  I am still not happy with him.  The day for my doctor appointment is here, I ask him if he will come with me.  At first he says yes but, then says no.  He doesn’t like the way this state treats people with HIV. What do you mean? I ask.  He goes back to speaking about Mayo and how very unlikely it is for him to transmit the virus.  I interrupt him and say I do not want to hear it.  Unlikely as it was, or whatever he thought he heard in Mayo I am standing right here and he infected me, without my knowledge.  He knew for two years that he was positive and did not tell me. I do not want to hear his Mayo stories.  I want him to hold my hand but that is not going to happen either.  I head out for the doctor visit alone.  It is an hour plus drive to the office. It is a nice day, the sky is so blue in this area of the world. It is very warm for this time of year.  I find the building and I cry in the car.  Then I walk in..there is an elephant in the main hall of the building, I take a photo of that elephant.  Elephants are strong, then remember, they are female lead and always hold the herd together.  I set it as my Facebook background..no one knows but me and that elephant

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