Journey – next day

I didn’t sleep at all last night.  Reactive.. really.  I put a call into my ex – he said yes, he was positive.  What the hell! Since when?  TWO YEARS! AND  YOU DID”T TELL ME!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?  Why didn’t you tell me?  I listen to him tell me that he went to Mayo and that all the doctors said that it was very impossible for him to pass on this to anyone, that he was “special” that his virus was low.  That this is not the terminal disease that it had been once before, that it was just like heart disease or diabetes.  I don’t believe this.  What is wrong with you? What did you think I was going to say to you? Who did you sleep with? When? You cheated on me when we were together, oh God help me?  What did you think I was going to say?  I am a fucking nurse for heave sake!  I know how this is transmitted and if Mayo doctors are telling you that you have nothing to worry about then either they are misinforming you or you just did not understand. Why didn’t you tell me?  What do you think I was going to say?  I loved you, I still care for you. There is so much of you that is awesome that I feel in love with the way you plant a garden, the way you laugh about politics, the awesome ability you have to teach others. What the Fuck do you think you were doing?  I cannot believe you did this to me. I trusted you with my family, my feelings and my life.  This is what you do?  I cannot believe this, you betrayed me.  What do I do now?

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