Medication. I can take this medication because my viral load is below one hundred thousand. I showed the pills to my PA, I showed her the long list of side effects, I said I am scared. She said, not to worry, she will be here for me. I have several days off and I figure what the hell, a few days to get started and then go back to my ‘normal’ life.. yeah.. great.. Fathers’ day weekend I will start.. Friday comes I take the pill, thinking please god let me not have any side effects, let me be the three percent that doesn’t have side effects, please?
I take the drugs, I wait, I think hey I am good.. five days pass and I have to go to work. I work, come home take the med, go to bed. Have to go to bed so that I will not throw up. I think I am doing good. I make it through the first day of work. I get up a week into taking the medication, I feel awful. I make it to work, am shaking. I go to the bathroom, I vomit, I stand outside I vomit. I say I can’t stay the DON says call someone to come in. I make a few calls, no one answers, I say i can’t stay and I leave. I make it home, and vomit again. I have never felt so ill in my life, I can barely stand for the dizziness, I cannot do anything. I make it to my bed with a bucket. I fall asleep, I do not wake up until my daughter wakes me up at nine pm, it is time to take the pill. I have to eat something, I go back to sleep, I sleep until three pm the next afternoon. I am beginning to feel better. But not much. I am ill. I cry.. I am not happy, my kids are worried. I have no one to tell. I sleep some more. I called the doctor on Monday, they prescribe PRN’s. One for nausea, one for pain – such pain as I don’t think I can ever move again; one for muscle relaxation, one for depression, one for anxiety. I have lost 32 pounds in two weeks. I am beginning to see the light at the end of this fucking tunnel. Now I have to go back to work. What am I to say? What am I to do now? Am still alone