Over all I tend to think of myself as a positive blessed person. Odd after a year of hell that this would still be my overall outlook. It does go missing at times especially in the past year. But in general I have a good life. My kids smile and laugh, they are healthy and mostly happy. There are somethings I need.. I need a job that I can do without being afraid of being fired for being sick. That will not happen in this area. Here is my weekend.. on Friday the 13th of March my sister in law from that Major East coast city called to say that Mom was dead. My mother in law of thirty years, longest relationship to date, had just died. I had to then inform the children and figure out if we could fly back to the services. I was suffering from a migraine that can be a side effect from the HIV meds.. I used to get migraines before which are awful, these are pitiful and awful. I gathered the children in, and informed them. We wept and talked about her, her picture is on the fridge surrounded by all the kids taken not that long ago. The following four days I was to work. I was really only suppose to work two but another person was ill and I needed to cover for her. March 14th is the 11 year anniversary of the death of my sister in law, her husband and their little baby girl. Sunday is always a horrific day to work because no one shows up and that is when I find out I need to work the next two days. I put my time in, keeping the kids calm and centered, I get home Tuesday with enough time to make the prayer service for my friend who died Saturday as well. I find on my bed a FedEx letter. I look at it thinking it is not worth opening but, it has my mothers’ name on it. As the song says “I perceived terrible trouble but I stay here just the same” so I open the letter. It is from a law office of the most southern sounding law office ever I heard. addressed to me it states the following words: “This letter is to inform you of the death of your mother on March 13 2015” The letter goes on to state things about her estate, then states “you will be notified of what lies ahead for you” Well hell, I guess what lies ahead is that my mother is dead.. been dead for six days. Wait, do I not have siblings both in the town where the women known as our mother lived as well as a sibling that speaks to me daily? Why is it then that I get to hear of this event from the most Southern Law office ever? Well I guess that is how you spell dysfunctional now isn’t it? My family has left me, my family that I grow up with my sisters I slept in the same room, ate in the same table, wept at the same funerals, my brother who can not be happy without controlling everything aspect of everyone’s life these people are strangers to me and have cut me out of their lives because they are afraid. I have nothing but empathy for them..it is a shame. This disease may change my health but it has not changed who I am at my core. I am still standing despite all ya all’s best efforts. Yes I maybe hurt and maybe angry at your actions that appear to be just beyond the pail but, that is where it ends. Hopefully you might be able to wrap yourselves around what is and is not important and get on with your life. My struggle is hard enough as it is on top of that to not have the support of my own family, I cannot spend the time to deal with it all. I miss my Mother in law, she did a really good job as a grandmother and as a mom..I will miss my mom as well, but she made her choices and at least now she is happy and pain free.
In case anyone wants a t-shirt..