I woke up this morning not feeling very well. I managed to get out of bed and tend to the children, off to school and work most of them went, the one at home is feeling better. Then the day progressed and through the muck of human activities someone suggested that it is wrong to still care for people who are sick, or who make you sick, or who are just not doing a good job by anyones’ standards..When my mom was told she had cancer, no one blamed her, stopped loving her or even abandoned her and the family. There were so many church ladies that came with food and cleaned once a week and assisted with homework. No one cast judgement or blame or shame in our direction. So why is it so different with HIV? Why would it be that if someone has HIV that the thought of abandonment and judgement is so strong that it is so much harder to live day to day. It is one thing to have to deal with the attacks every moment of the virus itself..taking shots at the cellular level up to the whole organism level, it is compounded when judgement of outside forces play into your daily life. I did not give anyone HIV – would not want anyone to have to tread this path – especially alone. However, is it wrong to still have feelings for the person who infected you even if you are angry with them? Yes I was in a long term relationship with someone who discovered they were HIV+ but didn’t tell me, yes I became positive due to his behavior – so what is the proper response. What I feel or felt for that man I was involved with hasn’t changed because of this virus. As if my feelings would change due to the colour of my hair as I grow older. I am angry to be in this spot, yes. But I can’t help but believe that if he had felt comfortable telling me, and was not afraid of abandonment that perhaps I would not be in this situation. I am angry, very much so and now I am coming to terms with that angry, it will be a process that will take time. That is a normal response. This situation could have been handled so much better but, it wasn’t. That is the fact. Now I am moving on with my life, not sure what it is going to look like but I understand that I deserve better then this..now how to go about life now, that is a question..