and the silly things people do..

I read two posts today on Facebook, one had to do with the idea that you don’t mindless share and forward on stupid crap that everyone knows is not true.. that with less then 10 seconds of goggle a person could figure out that the post was crap.. The other was a news story about the east coast and how the gas stations there were being booby trapped with needles that had “AIDS infected blood” in them.  Okay crazy people from number two post please refer to the first suggested post.

I am not saying that people don’t do stupid things, everyone does something stupid at some point in life, that is why it is called a learning experience. But first of all you don’t get “infected AIDS blood”  one gets infected with HIV which can or may or might lead to an AIDS dx if the person does not take the medication and care of themselves.  So point in fact – a person can not be infected with AIDS.  Get  passed the fear folks and join the new day.

Another point is that stores don’t stock needles “filled with HIV” on the shelves or on special order.  Am sure in this criminal minds CSI freaky out starker mental population we are discussing anything could be brought and sold on the Internet, even infected needles.  But is that really the driving force behind such a stunt had it been done in the first place?  I read a story once where a male did not want to be a dad so he went to the hospital to see his newborn and when left alone produced a needed filled with HIV infected blood and shot it into his newborn.  This is so wrong as there is a thing called blood type stupid.. mixing the two is not a good idea, and in a newborn.. really.. if you didn’t want to be a parent then just walk the hell away, it hasn’t been until recent years that “fatherhood matters” has taken off and with the states under staffed to search for missing parents no one would have found you worthless butt for decades.. but now he has several decades to sit in a prison and think about what other choices he could have made.

But I digress, needles hiding in places to infect others with HIV.. run.. playing on a fear.. it seems to me that perhaps the person who might have thought about his was frustrated with their plight in fighting this disease.  The first public health person who spoke to me said “ten years ago this was a death sentence, now you are more likely to get hit by a bus then die from this”  Well I suppose that is some majority cultural sort of BS meant to make you feel better.  Since there are few buses in my state.  Some of that is true.. HIV probably won’t kill you.. not right away.. maybe you will get hit by the bus.  But what they don’t say is that now no one wants to be your friend, if they find out that you have HIV it will rain down upon you the worse stigma ever known to a person, that your job will not want you there, that your co-workers, church families, doctors, dentists and such will not want to have anything to do with you.  They didn’t tell you that the medication that costs 2500$ per month will make you sick with crap you thought didn’t happen to adults will happen ten fold and worse.  Thrush so bad that you loose 20 pounds because you can’t eat, IV fluids to keep you hydrated. Headaches so painful that you wish you had a freaking bus, bone changes and bone pain so extreme that you lay in bed weeping on narcs, muscle relaxers and benzodiaziams- easy to take hard to spell.  That no one will every look at you again and say “that is the most interesting person I could think of to spend the rest of my life with”  Doctors who mean well and watch you suffer month after month will be willing to “write a letter to your HIV doctor about maybe thinking about changing the medication”  to wit your HIV doctors says “Sure let him write me a letter”  nothing like holistic health care.  So perhaps instead of spreading fear and loathing people could hug a person.  I won’t lie to you, this sucks.  But it won’t kill me, a bus will.. ha ha.. no the medication sucks with side effects but it does what it is suppose to do, most of the time. This morning I opened my email to a monthly update from the research community and it speaks bout the increased rates that people with HIV have for cancers then their non-HIV peeps is drastic 17 fold at 40, 24 at 50, 33 at 60 and the rates go on.  I think to myself, shit.. SHIT.. on top of SHIT.. there is no way to say that anyone is going to live from one day to the next, and I am aware of that, but this type of research only lays out the bleak future that is heading towards the HIV + group.. it is a struggle to just get through the day and that is a good day.  Where I can get out of bed without pain or waiting for the pain meds to make me not care of the pain.  When I don’t vomit as the first thing on my list.. the struggles go on and on.  Eating proper and staying away from germs.. well I have kids.. so there is two things that don’t happen often.

No HIV won’t kill me.. the life time range of a person with HIV is 68.. that is twenty years for me more or less, 20 years.. my grandchild just arrived in the world 20 days ago..my youngest just turned 8,, twenty years,, twenty years of lonesomeness, twenty years of discrimination, threats and other peoples fears, 20 years to fight my own body to maintain some health.. twenty years.. when my youngest is 28 years old, will they be old enough to lose the only parent that they had ever known?  when my eldest is 41.. will she and my grandchild at 20 be old enough to lose me.. does any one every really get old enough to loose anyone?? I don’t know.. but I do understand that I am frustrated.  That I will fight to stay with my family, that I will use all that I have within my power to establish some stability for their future, that I will make light of my passing.. it is not mine to fear, it is for them that I fear…my baby brother died, my best friend and her daughter died, my neighbor who was like a father to me and my kids died.. it is for us that remain that we weep now.

So yeah, perhaps some nutty person put needles places they should not be… but can you understand why the outcast responses with rage?  When I worked on pressing charges against the one who exposed me unknowingly to this virus, the same lady that said I would be hit by a bus said “you would be seen as an angry girlfriend, trying to get revenge”  Revenge, revenge.. there is no way in this world that I could ever get revenge on that person for what they had done.. it is too late for me, I trusted when I should have run.. but I followed the rules.. testing before sex extra, I didn’t cheat.  But the State Health Department THE STATE HEALTH DEPARTMENT would not back me up.. so the following sixteen plus that is correct SIXTEEN PLUS people both male and female that are now positive after myself.. that the state could have and should have saved.. I guess that was their revenge.. the person who infected me, looks like their revenge for his status was to take as many people with him as possible… and so he did.. not with needles in gas pumps but with trusting cons that lead to sex..

Think population of the world, THINK.. do not add to the frustration or revenge of another HIV+ person by publishing crap and hateful stigma.. educate yourself on the treatments, the prevention, the relationships you could have with people regardless of their status.. and face facts.. if you have not been tested but have had sex, even after having been tested before starting that sex.. you could still have HIV.. and not know it.. and be passing it on to others unknowingly.  The truth that with treatment that is consistent with viral loud suppression to undetectable levels transmission risk is nill.  That there will be a vaccine and then a cure within my lifetime.. my next twenty years.. is true according to the research.. but in the mean time.. be the kind and loving person and stop the stupid sharing of crap that feeds into the fear and stigma against some very lovely people.. who feel very much alone..

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