The Pope..and other sources of hope..

The Pope is coming to Philadelphia…there are cages up and tow crews out in mass, platforms set up from which to speak.. the weekend is always busy in the city but this weekend will be massive.. The Pope is a source of hope for many people apperently.. and I like him.. he seems to be doing a good job over-all.. mercy is an awesome concept that not too many people can express much less teach.. so on that front he is diong well.  I saw on the news that the Dancing with the Stars lady from Georgia.. who they say is like 37 had a TIA the other day.. could be linked to her corset.. or her six kids always asking her something.. I have five kids and a grandchild always asking me things.. and things like homework that spands so many different grades, however they are able to tend for themselves and each other at times and do it very well.  I wish her well.. I suppose money and fame does not make some folks lives easier.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and it was interesting..she did get a letter from my primary MD and told me how she did a rotation with him way back in the day.  That “older” doctors in smaller towns donot have any training in HIV and not much experience.. and we chatted about the use of NSAI for that “iffy pain” that was the phrase I was looking for to explain to my primary MD.. “iffy pain”  the all over general I am in pain but it is just a bother as compared to I am in pain and cannot get out of bed and am crying.. she got that.. we spoke some more and of see went.. then they ask you to fill out this form to see if you are depressed.. well duh… so I filled it out and the last question is in the last 30 days have you felt like hurting yourself.. well hell who hasn’t so I ticked the box.. and then you have to talk to so many more people who want you to know that they are here for you Monday to Friday 8-5.. and such.. yes yes.. I suppose there are folks that want to hunt down and do away with all folks with HIV, women especially, I read about it in the journals and such.. but in reality I am not one to off myself.. I have bunches of pain, physical, emotional, spiritually even.. and sometimes it seems likely that if you just bleed a little maybe it will feel better.. blood letting.. cuping???  which I saw a demonstration of on the internet.. so that was interesting..

Everyday I have children.. they keep me going.. I am sad. I am in pain. today I have not slept at all last night.. tossing and turning as it were.. and I have sharp pains in my head.. on the right side.. I am older then the Atlanta housewife and of a much lower finacial spot.. but am still putting one foot in front of the other.. and will continue to do so.. I have to go take bunch of pain meds right now..and look for things to keep me going.. it is a long time between now and sleep time..and this sharp pain is not helping any…..but there are other things that are..the helpful 8 year old with four less teeth now then this morning, the adorable and smart grandchild, her mother that is amazing, the college student that is starting her own business on the side, the middle schooler that is taking over the world to correct injustices, the sixth grader that is finding their way.. without them I would be lost.. instead I am just struggleing through these emotions and working on the process.. ever there is a process…

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