was gone and forgotten

I have struggled with HIV in several ways.  HIV itself is a problem most would say, gee that is going to kill you. Not only does HIV try to kill you but it limits your friends and those folks who wish to know you.  Right now all the people I know are medical professionals of one type or another but not one other HIV person in my state.  Not a one.. Two years.. not a one.  So while HIV will kill you out right, people go on medications to stop that process ARTs good plan right? well it depends.. there are super powerful drugs in ARTs, remember HIV attacks at the cellular level so these drugs work there.  Anything that works at the cellular level would make sense that they are strong powerful drugs with many side effects.  Just think about it.. cellular level, is not that what zombies are made out of? The side effects are what cause me pain – physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain.. I throw up, I loss control of my ability to control my poo, pooing myself in my bed or pants, I have night sweats, weight gain, join pain, nausea all the time, every moment of every day.. I am struggling with nausea.  Think about it, how do you operate if every day all you can do is think about how you really don’t want to throw up?  Then you do throw up, even with two different types of anti-nausea medication, you throw up anyway and have to be carried to the doctor so she can give you shots.  Yes, Ihave not been blogging for several months.. I was gone. deep black hole type gone.. and I am not sure I am really back yet.. but I have a journey to express over those few months and hopefully will not go missing or forgotten again.  Cannot promise much.  am tired and frustrated and  lone in a world of a million ohter HIV + people… guess we will see how it goes..


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