The really long long road

So, this has been a difficult past ten days.  I have five children all of whom I adore.  One of them has the flu and a broken arm, one has a pinch nerve in their neck, another has the flu, I have the flu, one is wanting to move to a different state to start there so that we can be better off.  Better off in a state with better medical care and access to the long list of things that she wants to make better.  I have read articles this week on the MSN about finding a cure, not really a cure, the way HIV changes to out smart the ‘cure’, the isolation, the fear of being HIV+, most of the articles are from the view point of a homosexual male.  I feel for all my brothers and sisters when I say that we are too isolate.  This morning I read an article from the local collage that said HIV was under control but people of collage age do not remember the 80’s and the dying that was rampant.  That being aware was still important now that the ‘stigma’ was not such a huge issue.  I responded with a comment for while I appreciate her hippie heart and have hugged the same trees for sure, there is not an opening for kind and loving in this state. I am not kidding.  I saw the doctor today awaiting on my liver function levels.  The bank account is over drawn, am not going to be able to fix that tonight.  I spoke with my doctor today about how HIV just keeps the immune system in a constant state of reaction, some sort of irritation.  That is what causes so much damage over the long run.  My one sibling who speaks to me sent me emails that said you have to heal yourself with positive meditation because the health profession is a for profit business and they just don’t care.. well I care.. and I am aware and I am in need of some sort of assistance but I don’t know where to turn..it just a tiresome day..I. have things I want to do to get on solid ground again.. raise bee’s and rabbits, on a little 5 – 10 acre spot with a house on it.. we could have chickens and grow things.. but for now I am in need of money to cover the short fall. And I am not sure what to do… listen to the sounds of silence..

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