today is not a good day

last Wednesday was a good day, I felt good all over. I went to PT, to the doctor, and went to the store. I had very little pain. So I did a lot more then usual. Then logically it would stand to reason that the next three day I spend in pain and throwing up and such. I is now a week past that Wednesday and it is still slow. I am tired. I now have an URI, coughing up my lung. I am tired. I am not hopeful in this journey. I am sad and tired. But what does that really do for anyone? What is there that I should be doing that I am not? There are others with HIV in my state that I have never met, that hide underground as I have been told. some have no concerns with their medication, some don’t take their medication due to the side effects. there is no way that so many people should be in hiding. At this point I am worth more monetary dead then alive.. but my children hug me and those that don’t know are hugging me the most. So I need to be here but, what are we going to do?? How am I suppose to get from here to there without doing something.. what should I be doing? It is at a blank spot.. like a moonbeam with no place to land..


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