my friend and then some

my friend called me this morning to say she has shared with a friend about my blog as a sort of holy month assistance possibility. It is nice that she things of things like that and that she believes people can be helpful. We will see what comes of it. So before that I got a call from the doctor, about the ct scan. it would seem that my liver is fatty and that is the good news..all the lymph nodes in my neck are large and there is a mass between my lung and heart about 15 centimeters. tomorrow I go see the doctor and we will go over the results in person and what them to do. Suppose I have to get another scan in three months for sure, I am to see a pulmonologist, Tand other things. The radiologist thinks that my lymph nodes are reactive.. that is code apparently for one who has HIV, but it makes some sense. The main concern is that I am always under attack, my body is always fighting, which explains the fatigue, so the virus is stuck in my neck lymph nodes fighting to get out while I am fighting for it to stay in. the pain in my tummy from the fatty liver and the pain in my chest is from the mass. I read it is not unusual for the virus to get to say the lungs and cause inflammation and then the body encapsulates it and continues on its merry way, leaving behind said mass. People say if it is bigger then this it is more likely to be that.. if it is smaller than that it is more likely not to be that but this.. something also to watch. So then I got frustrated as there is no support group for me to go to and get any type of insight from others with HIV in the whole freaken state. I have been to therapy for a year mostly and the intern knows nothing of HIV, never bothered to learn anything about it.. just rub some dirt on it and you will be fine, adjust already. Well it is not that simple is it. I take meds every day that are suppose to keep the virus at bay and make me sicker then anyone should be and now there is more damage and trouble to deal with.. multiple fronts. And no one to talk too. Guess I cant stop taking the drugs and look for a job as that would surely be the end of me, one good week without the medication my neck would release all that it is holding back and I would be having seizures on the floor. This is some stupide stuff.. why does this state suck so much with care. No one really cares I suppose. I do..someone find me soon..

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