Today I realized that suicide is much more complicated then I thought. The last 13days have been the worse and I am not amused and anger and frustration all lead to a messed up text from an invisible person also with the HIV who is planning on using his nine mm gun to end his path. I texted him out of it but to what avail? I was sitting on my bedroom floor after a messed up week all around and the thing that stopped me was that I wouldn’t want my young child to find me dead. They would all have to be somewhere else and today I can’t make that happen. I was more resilient once, I am working my way back hopefully to that area but I will not be able to do this alone. It is not a bad thing to be in need of assistance , everyone is there from time to time. So I will figure out how to make the world hear me. And not just for me but for the other invisible texts that no one answers.