Today

Today I realized that suicide is much more complicated then I thought.  The last 13days have been the worse and I am not amused and anger and frustration all lead to a messed up text from an invisible person also with the HIV who is planning on using his nine mm gun to end his path.  I texted him out of it but to what avail?  I was sitting on my bedroom floor after a messed up week all around and the thing that stopped me was that I wouldn’t want my young child to find me dead.  They would all have to be somewhere else and today I can’t make that happen.  I was more resilient once, I am working my way back hopefully to that area but I will not be able to do this alone.  It is not a bad thing to be in need of assistance , everyone is there from time to time. So I will figure out how to make the world hear me.  And not just for me but for the other invisible texts that no one answers.

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