The Hardest Part of the Day

This is the worse part of my day, time wise. All the kids come home from school or work or both, then they have things to go out and about to activities and chores, I can barely get myself together each day and then I struggle to run the house when younger persons do not do their chores and have to be told about it. Then the mail comes, bills from doctors offices, the light bill, water, gas, phone, internet because the school requires students to have internet..and I panic…I am good or was at my job now I cant be more then five feet from the bathroom, my right hand is getting weaker, the pain in my neck is fine, I can cope with that, the swelling makes me look funny and I don’t leave the house very often due to that and just the panic attacks from having HI in general. However the pain in my back is different. there is pain and then there is burning pain, which I have been told is nerve pain. Nothing is helpful so far as that goes. So those are difficult days, and today is a difficult day. I only have one pair of shoes and those are sandals and it is raining and snowing now. I freak out because while the cars are paid for they then start not to work, this door wont close if you open it, that window doesn’t go down, this oil pan is leaking so all the oil leaks out, that car ticks, there is smoke coming from that one. I have to travel an hour and half to the doctor and I cannot leave town in either of these cars. There is food in the house now but it is twenty days till food stamp day – we will run out of most things by then. When how to afford potty paper becomes a stressor it is off the chart time. I love all my children so much, and without them I would have died or disappeared by now but, I am working on making it through.. I really thought things would be different by now.. but we keep going.. or at least I try..

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