The Day After Thanksgiving

Yesterday we went to a family of a fiends of one of the children home for a meal. It was very nice, the girls stayed and I cam home with the rest. It was rough because I cannot take my meds and be alert for the toddler all night long, and that much excitement puts me under the next day. So the night went on, and by ten this morning I was wiped and had to take a nap till four thirty. Now I am up and the toddler is sleeping, late naps. I have pain and I don’t like it. I read an article written by an HIV positive free lance reporter about how it is not the disease but the stigma but then I read an article on how HIV was now listed as a cancer causing agent. So I am in pain and then paying end of month bills and we have no money. None. Not like when people say oh we have no money this month for that… but have their savings and all their bills paid.. but we have no not a dime of money. The first of the month and then the 2nd more money will arrive, and food stamp day will be on the tenth but we have no money.. we have to pay rent which, will be late..
I want to be able to support my family and afford tp and laundry soup and such just working on keeping the lights on is a rough deal.. I am not the type of person who doesnot like to work but it is the end of what I can do.. so I am depressed.. read that HIV + folks kill themselves very often.. I was happy because I didn’t feel like I was a failure.. I felt almost normal.. so I read the holy books and pray.. and wonder why people are not helpful when others are struggling..

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