Tomorrow is World AIDs Day

Tomorrow is December 1st – a day that in the past people would march in the street for better care, to shout the names of loved ones that died alone without care, to bring to the attention of the government the need for services for people who were ill and outcast, no longer able to provide for themselves much less their families.
Now it is about 30 years into the struggle or fight and things are not going so well. People are still dying, people are just not aware. People don’t want to see what they don’t want to deal with or understand. HIV is a gay person disease, look it up in the news and it will say that 2 out of 3 gay black men in the south will get HIV in their lives time.. or that the highest amount of new cases is in the 14 to 25 age range, or my favorite the over 45 hetero group. It is not just a gay disease, it never was. People dying from blood transfusing.. did Ryan White not teach anyone anything? Did people just forget or just don’t care as it is not “my problem”? I don’t know.. I know it is my problem.. I understand that I was intentionally infected by a person I trusted in what I thought was a serious one on one relationship. I know that the health department nor the law enforcement agencies did anything to stop him or to assist him in getting into treatment. He didn’t care about who he infected and it seems like no one cares now.
I have lost my ability to work, I have lost my ability to provide for my children, I have lost ability in my body to just be healthy. I say HIV is a plague and people argue with me. People who do not have HIV argue with me. But I fell like I have the plague. It starts with health care people saying that everything will be alright but then you loose your ability to control your ability not to poop in your pants, to be able to sleep, to even eat. Then masses start to appear in your lungs, your neck, your spinal cord, you loose feeling in your arm and drop everything in your hand.
I am afraid and there is no one to be of assistance. Everyone of my kids that is aware is working very hard to be helpful. The second oldest is working two part time jobs and going to school full time because it is with her that all hope resides. Four kids under 18 in the house, some need shoes, some need pants some need to go to the dentist but there is no money to pay for the electric bill, the phone bill, the internet bill, I have no clothes because I used to wear scrubs all the time because all I did was work, now I can barely walk around and that is the most troublesome thing because I worked so hard to take care of my family and now my older children are tired and want to just stop moving.. code for I wish I was dead.. this is too hard.. I work very hard to keep the worry down in the house but when the checking account is over drawn because we had to buy toilet paper, there is limited light in the house because be don’t have any light bulbs, or every bill is due but there is just no way to have that much money.. it doesn’t work .. this is way parents drive their mini vans off the side of the cliff with all the kids strapped in the back seat.. because we believe no one cares and that there is no way out…

that is what people used to protest in the streets about.. that is what makes a difference.. but tomorrow there will be no street marches, there will be no speeches at the governors house, not even sure the president will say anything.. there will just be silence and that my dear reader is very deadly…

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