Would that be enough

I cannot tell if I expect too much from humanity to really be so daft. A disease is a disease is a disease.. but HIV stigma is still the worst thing in the world. No matter how the disease is brought into your life it kills everything around you. your friends are scared, their kids they want to protect them so they don’t let them come over, your job is not safe, how wants an HIV person doing anything, my goodness if they can get HIV how professional can they really be.. the truth that it doesn’t matter how careful you are in a trusting long term relationship if the other person cheats and you never find out about it till they drop over dead from not taking any medication etc or whatever, you still have HIV.. even if I was a drug sharing needle user, that does not make me less of a person. But having HIV just makes you less of a human as far as the full count of humanity goes.. and it was very shocking to me because I was almost ready to believe that I have something to live for, to believe in that somewhere at some point I could be a real person again.. but not in this rural state, not with this much stigma around…
I am still a very good person but how long does humanity expect even a very good person to last when all there is to struggle for is death, shame and despair?
So I will keep struggling.. but perhaps the struggle is a solitary one.. at least for now.. though I wish it was no the case.. I wish Elton John would sent me a supportive telegram or three cars, and maybe enough money to start a farm where I can support other families like me and offer some safe space. I don’t want to struggle alone.. neither do the children,,, Elton John.. don’t let the sun go down on me.. please


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