This the end of the month

It is a journey life is. This last week was a totally mess up from the kid with strep that ended up in the ER to the lack of school testing time and the broken this and the no money for gas that. I have been informed that the new doctor at the clinic affiliated with my hospital has “respectfully declined” to see me as a patient. I respectfully am pissed off.. there is not enough love in the world. This week is full of doctors and when you end up in the ER it doesn’t get better quickly, everything that got postponed or cancelled not needs to be reset up and there are other things going on in the world. I have six dollars in the bank, no gas in the car, no doctors that are close enough to get to and I am really just tired.. I woke up this morning and went through the where am I and what day is it routine. I remembered this afternoon that all that I had thought happened that was a good memory was just part of a vivid dream of terror.
I am thankful for the assistance I do get from my primary care doctor and therapist but that is the group that tells me to just not give up, or that I need to move. Tomorrow I have to sign another lease meaning another year of being here. Also, since the landlord is not kind or polite he refuses to change out the windows in the bedroom to make them code so now nobody can sleep in that room.. and while he never did do a good job with the snow removal at least I didn’t have to worry about it all the time.. now he is not even doing that, and he raised the rent.. because why not get more money off the poorest all while doing nothing to fix the basic safety issue? Part of me wishes that I would fall over dead in the house so that he could never rent it again without disclosing that someone died here.. but I need to be here for my kids and they need me here for their self sanity. I just wish that it was better funded.. and full of less evil landlords..


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