Still waiting for the good week to start

Things that should never happen to anyone have been happening to me and my family this past week. Publishers Clearing House did not show up yet again!!! Disability still can’t find me in the long list of people who have social security numbers, there are always more bills then funds and doctors appointments are hours away without any gas money but, that is just what we are used to the real problems start with the bullying at the college level so violent that young twenty year old can be so unkind. The semester is over thank the heavens but there are bloody injuries that are being tended. I have spent the last week ill. Not just off and on but all week.. starting with the snow, then the head pain and went to the clinic finally to get a shot when the PRN didn’t work, there was poo flying out of me and when I thought for sure that I could make it up I got to the kitchen only to call my childs’ name as I threw up in a box by the sink, the week went on that way. I am not really good at driving along as one never knows when the fatigue comes and I was driving home from a doctor appointment when I noticed I was sleeping and changing lanes. Oldest children now have cardiologist, there are uncontrolled asthma and allergies that make the whole lot of us a pre-existing condition. I don’t know what really to say.. it will be three years soon on the same medication and I am not going to be off that medication till I die. Medication that is to keep me alive is slowly killing me. I have not had a good week in a long time and the pain of last week was awful. My sister wants me to order CBC from Amazon to see if that helps. We have no money, none, I want to believe in something but I am tired of being alone. Nothing is worse, PTSD and I are learning to dance, I work on growing tomato and watermelon seeds, but the outbursts are so nutty to me.. I used to be calm, and able to get everything done and do things with kids all the time.. now I blow my top over the smallest thing, triggers are things I am identifying and it is difficult to find an option to do when running across a trigger out and and about especially with the kids… swear, does anyone know of a match making HIV+ site that matches up Americans with HIV+ folks in Canada? Save a life, perhaps a family? The social-economic gap between poor folks with HIV and affluent HIV folks, it is just as dangerous has the top 1% of the world population having all the wealth of the bottom 67&.. if anything HIV+ gay, straight, bi, panfluid, whatever, we should be taking care of each other as some of us have nobody who wants to even do anything but watch us die… HELP us get to our group.. where are you all ?

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