a dark day…

It will be two years since I applied for social security..six months since I found out that they thought I was dead.. could be another six months before the hearing where I can say that I am not dead… but what about now.. WHAT ABOUT NOW!!!! We are five hundred dollars short this month.. five dollars is a bunch when you have no money but FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.. that is on the range of the only way that money is coming in is through the sex trade.. and I am not allowed.. so I checked into writing books, but the only thing I can think of is erotic and it takes six months to get anything answered. It is not like we are sitting around eating sushi and eating bon bons. Maybe sushi from the grocery store but really.. I have saved and scrimp, and laffy taffy pulled the last dollar as far as it will go.. DAMN IT!!! It doesn’t end.. and not just with me.. i feel stressed then my children are like I am never going to succeed none of my friends like me, I am never going to get through collage, high school, middle school, the people in the show choir call me slave jokes for being in crew.. it is hard enough to keep the group going ion the same direction it would be helpful if that direction was not self deprecating and suicidal. Laugh if you will but I am going to go ask a good man to pray for us. Perhaps if more people prayed, more people would be heart felt lead to drop off potty paper at our front door! My God sex trade is an option but really? Can’t even afford the live webcam or computer for someone to pay to watch me what sleep naked??? All my life.. I have served other people..I pray for Yemen.. lets hope they still exist in a few months… along with my house

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