Yesterday.. I died..

Yesterday was the last day in five day row that I was to see doctors.. so many damn doctors.. one after the other all taking scans, blood, very sorry that it is in a difficult place to get too, too dangerous to your heart, blah blah blah.. finally come to the last doctor and I have been has helpful as an outlook as I could be but I am tired.. HIV is under control but not really, the inflammation rates high, your liver function this your kidneys are doing this, there is nothing to do for the pooper concerns.. the masses are there, the damage is there okay whatever.. there is pain and I have been working with all these doctors who don’t have any special training in HIV so I print out packages and circle the things that they should look at and try to educate as we go along.. and still I am treated like a child. None of these people understand what is going on or the pain that is increasing.. my house is a split level but the land lord wont bring the windows up to code so we cannot use the one bedroom upstairs so I had to move downstairs.. more stairs to go up and down.. not helping with the pain aspect.. I did the research the difference between what I am on and the difference with what I should be on and it is just too much.. It is a miserable day when you cannot get the care you need because nobody cares enough to listen.. now I am very disappointed.. I have a life to lead but how am I suppose to do that with uncontrolled pain? Which in turn causes my blood pressure to rise to dangerous levels, which then puts all that I have tried to do right and educate people.. just don’t care.. they just don’t care about me.. add them to the list.. add the damage to the toll.. I am doomed to this disease.. there is no joy left and now I have uncontrolled pain to go with it.. yeah..

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