It has not rained..

It is a Tuesday in my life, it is an odd week as the house is devoid of females. The daughters are at camps or working afar off for hope and history. It has not rained yet. There has been some good news in my little world but, I hesitate to think that it might work out. Disability is working on my case, gathering information but it could still take till October or they may make a decision again without all the information like they did the last time. I am working on keeping good thoughts towards them. Then the department of education contacted me to say I over paid a loan.. imagine but that it will take forty-five days – longer then Jesus wondered in the desert mind you – to figure out if it was indeed true and than another fourteen days to send a check. Well that is sometime in September. But again I am frightened to think that good things could be happening at this moment. I just got put on thirty milligrams of Morphine, how much better could that get. I am spinning in a void of health insurance loss, no money coming in for at least a month probably longer, the damn vacuum cleaner broke and I have no diapers for the worlds most lovely grandchild whose father disowned her yesterday so he could dip his stuff in a new pond, and that female does not want anything to do with a step child. The choices he made that day will over shadow his life for decades. Even the less amount of involvement would be better for the two of them then none but, now there is nothing and as an older person I understand the rash decisions youth make and can see the dark shadows he will face and I am sad for him. In the meantime, I have great joy for all my children and little baby ones too. I am not dead because of them, though I have come close. GOD I NEED ASSISTANCE PLEASE! School starts and I am unprepared for all of that and the crap that goes with it. The racism that is a part of our lives as an interracial family in a rural white town, topped with a parent with HIV.. there is just too much to handle sometimes.. I went to a different chiropractor the other day here in town and informed him of my HIV, which I hate to do because then people treat you like shit but he has acupuncture and I wanted to give it a go.. he was in shock.. said he had known three males before but that I was the first female and that now they had medicines that could cure that and that acupuncture only provide temp relief from pain.. CURE THAT NOW, really and I missed that update! and so I am not sure if I am welcome at this store any longer.. funny really, my all the time long term chiropractor hasn’t spoken to me in weeks and all I asked him to do was to pray for me. Guess there is not enough love in the world.. thank you Don Henley.. I have to go now, I need to be watched to see if 30 milligrams is too much, funny how doctors work.. when nobody is left to care..


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