If I killed myself.. and then it got better

Wouldn’t that suck!! But there is not much hope of that here at the present, I am so low it is not even something I can laugh at. Doctors are a waste of time. Half of them say opiods are no good only make things worse but they don’t live with the pain. Just do some yoga or some swimming, you know what you need… A Good Nights’ Sleep!!! Holy Mother of God and the Damn Donkey… If I could but only sleep.. lets see people.. I have been taking the damn medicine for over two years.. and I don’t sleep well! Sometimes never that evening! Its’ been a week and I am so tired.. slip sliding away..
I want to hang on to say that next month will be better! Next month there will be some way of getting things done, where I will be able to afford my medication, or the tires for the car or the new muffler.. that I will be able to sleep though the night without terror dreams or sweating out the screams that cannot be suppressed in the dark..

Damn all Humanity if this is all that they have to offer to people with HIV, I am sure they are worse at it with people with other things, except cancer of course.. there is no way any disease can compete against cancer.. don’t get me wrong I hate cancer.. I have lung cancer at the moment as a side effect of HIV but the hell with that.. until I die, what is it going to do.. how fucking long can disability carry on with the shit that they messed up with in the first place.. how long am I suppose to raise a family on 350$ a month? How long can I go on this way? guess you should place your bets..love to you all…

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