I am going to die… can you wrap your head about that?

I used to think that it didn’t matter, that I could do this. I can figure out how to live on nothing and provide for my family and get disability sorted all before I got too sick.. no need to inform the younger children for why make them worry about something that would not happen for years to come. Think is it is not years to come is it.. I pray everyday, I have seen death, in old persons, in young people in those in between, everyone is always at peace at the end. a good place to be yes but that involves a deep progression of the illness. I am still struggling to be a live. I can hardly do much to be helpful these days because of the side effect of the medication, there just isn’t a good answer to why you can’t pay your bills because your medication makes you so sleepy. Oh to hear that the medication does what it is suppose to do one more time and I will just weep in the middle of the street.
What the dilly do am I suppose to do? Wish someone would kindly send some suggestions my way because there just isn’t any thing I can think of that is not making me feel despondent.
or sick to my stomach, or whatever, just want to be able to live but, I am going to die. and die alone it looks like

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