Another day, more ants…& whores

Last week was not a good week anyway you look at it.. I was informed by some terminated type lady that because I have not been seen by their clinic but was seen by another clinic that I was to be dropped.. I said now I had spoken to my case manager there just the other day and on she argued with me.. No you haven’t, that could take years, you’re just stupid, dumb slut who got HIV, and we don’t want you anymore. Been trying to get ride of you for years!” Seems a funny way to keep people in care when you promised them that there was space.. but now I am the demon female with HIV.. you know why I had to see the other person last month.. because there is no fucking appointment for you lady till October at the earliest. OCTOBER is a freaking long way away Ms. Terminator Bitch for a person who is “experiencing difficulties” to wait to see their new provider. Missed the last appointment, that I did call about, well yes I did, because I was SICK! at my primary care doctor who doesn’t need this much crap to be dealing with.. If there is a doctor for HIV people then let them act the hell like it and not like they could care less. I have called Ms. Terminator bitch office several times with problems and illness and fevers, and blood filling up the damn potty when I poo, and all sorts of concerns and questions seem to be rather reasonable and important and all I ever get is that doctor is not in today and the one seeing their patience is full. You could go to convenient care with 40$ and they will see you there (who will see me there? The resident, 2nd year who has no idea about what HIV is because they don’t teach that in school) and if I had 40$ I would be able to drive the hell there the over 45 miles.. bitch.. call me like I am not working my best to get things done.. but you all are busy, can’t see me, you could wait in a room and we will let the doctors know that you are here but if there is no cancellation you would just spend you entire day waiting and never see anyone.. we’re sorry.. Yes Mrs. Terminator Bitch you are sorry..and don’t worry you are not the only one in the web of “helpful” services that are sorry. There are just enough.. and if you can’t remember MY DAMN NAME you shouldn’t be calling me in the first place.. Sucks to be poor. Sean is correct.. it is the gap of the rich and the poor that have HIV that will loose this coming battle. You want to know where people get radicalized – I will be happy to inform you.. it is at the other end of the phone from Ms. Terminator bitch who doesn’t read your file, list to what you are saying and most obvious doesn’t give a crap. There is where you will find the start of the books with titles like “How HIV turned me into An Assassin Whore?”, or “I was intentionally infected by a Native African for Crimes American has Committed against my country” bit wordy I agree most likely read something like “Look what Your World Powers have done for you now!”

I have worked for three years to get this idea that I am not the demon lady of my street.. that I do not deserve to have jokes told about me, that the stigma is real and people don’t understand. I just had a great conversation with Catholic Family Services in my area and they so wanted me to tell everyone, they must all know by now right? Or are you just keeping the secret to be prideful? Because if people knew you were sick then they would be willing to help out some more.. well fuck guess what.. they do know I am sick.. just that I don’t have HIV and it is a good thing because those jokes those grown up Catholics were telling at that family fun dinner and get to gather was just so exciting for me.. So healing to think that people I pray with can laugh over AIDS jokes and such. yup left church that day feeling the love of Christ in my heart.. that love right before someone pounded nails through his hands..and now it gets better.. compression fractures of my spine.. breath too deeply and your will fracture your spine.. spine is a long ass thing.. can’t wait to find out what this is going to do.. and how once again my HIV doc will be like ‘go figure’ and disability will be taking their damn time while I sit here unable to walk for the love of Christ but don’t worry.. sure I got bills but I gots hope! The Catholic Family Services lady said so.. suppose she forgot to inform Ms Terminator Bitch but we can’t have everything, She was just business bitching me out on the lets keep people in care and stop the spread of HIV.. but she skipped that and went right to the “How HIV made me a Whore with a Cause” chapter.

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