God Where are you?

Huston we have a problem! Over the weekend the tires went flat again. There is too much tread loss and steal showing to be safe to drive the car out of town. We only have the one car since the semi took out the other one. Due to whatever reasons.. trust of a promise, selling whatever is left, waiting on disabili – there just is no money. What is worse then that is that due to the promise of trust that did not occur while the bank paid out the cost of the four things that went through they also charged over draft charges – which is what they do. So even if and when the promise of trust arrives I still will have no money for the fees of 140$ on top of the bills that were to be covered with this promised trusted. There is no car to safely ride about in, I have cancelled doctor appointments, which we have learned are all outside of town for four days now. I emailed my priest to ask for assistance.. when you are in a corner struggling you see the idea of three Walmart gift cards for 100$ each as a saving miracle. That would cover the tires and wipers (200$) and then the other would cover the lack of toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, body wash, dishwasher soap, hand soap, bleach wipes, vinegar to clean with, laundry soap and dryer sheets, gloves and snow boots for a few kids.. as far as I could stretch it and hopefully some gas besides to make the doctor appointments. the priest said.. no. I admit that I can’t get to church, I do a Wednesday Mass at my local Newman center but I watch daily mass on the TV.. last week when I was sign in bed for five days and barely able to get out for another five I still prayed. The local Ryan White groups also says no because the car is used for people other then just the one with HIV – we only have the one damn car, seems they would rather not assistance. I don’t know what to do? I have MRI’s to check on masses here, fractures there, doctors to see here there and everywhere and surgery. There is no taking the bus, we don’t have one really and if we did, we have no money.. remember over drawn at the bank. oh how I hate that so much! All that I have worked for and I can’t fix this – this is up to God and apparently no the one hanging out at my church.. I promised a different priest not to kill myself but when your life insurance policy could pay for winter clothes and toothpaste where your parish is like umm nope… it gets a bit confusing, disheartening, isolating, worthless, untouchable or outcasted..so starts the holiday season.


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