Today is hopeless, maybe tomorrow…

I have a headache.. one of those pounding everything hurts and why does it make so much noise to breathe type headaches. It is beyond cold in my world and I am a bit stressed.. People say that.. I am a bit stressed.. and people are in this type of environment stressed but for different reasons. I am a bit stressed because my health is always challenged.. now there is something wrong with my blood work and it is being monitored for IDK what for because my doctor is not very talkative. But that is what I have to deal with.. I don’t feel well today and that is a shame because I was going to have a great day.. I wanted to eat something and was looking forward to having something to eat without wanting to throw up but that is out now, and I really wanted to watch the playoff game for the day but the noise and all it’s too much.. I have wash in the dryer and washer and a bucket next to the steps, the dishes are done but there is no supper for the kids, there are no older kids home till midnight due to school events a far off.. I am mad because I cannot provide for my kids like I want too but I can’t even have a day where I can eat without throwing up!! I just took a bunch of meds for which there are side effects and I am tired and will be grabbing an ice pack before heading to bed.. there is so much to do.. just to be with my kids would be something, instead of saying hey taking a nap.. keep me updated.. I just can’t get over how upset I am with the fact that my very life is just not able to do what I want to do.. slave to HIV is such a thing to say.. and there are folks with good doctors who care about them and work to get on meds that don’t cause side effects but they don’t live here. Still awaiting word from SS, that has taken two and a half years so far and it doesn’t look like there is a rush.. just once or maybe more often then that I would really like a care package of household goods and such and maybe dinner to be delivered.. maybe someone to come and play with my kids while I nap.. or just a decent doctor who gives a shit about me and my life.. maybe tomorrow..maybe


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